After you have stripped away from your religion, your heritage, and pride. Once you have put behind you every terrible experience(s). When you have left the ones you don’t get along with, in the dust. After you have mentally separated yourself from everything that you know, believe, and think, who are you?
That, I know, is a very hard task and it will take a lot of practice to find the answer. We identify ourselves with so many things, music, beliefs, friends, our partners, groups, church, school, education, money, children, siblings, parents, etc.
I am certain that it is not even possible to just decide to forget all that we know, and believe. What is possible, is trying to set some things aside one at a time, mentally, of course. We will after all, always have our memories of events, people, places, smells; whether good or bad.
The purpose of this is to see you, for who you naturally are, not what others say you are. To counsel yourself for things that perturb you, to be your own best friend. To be the love of your life, to see yourself as the unique and genuine person that you CAN be. Because you can’t be if you are “Polly parroting” the words of others if you are relying on the approval of others if you are seeking love and acceptance from others.
Facial expressions may not even be yours, they very well could be from a movie you saw and thought it was cute or the perfect expression for that particular emotion. It could be that your friends or family members make that same expression. Your habits may come from a life long tradition in your family, but that doesn’t make them who you are, or perhaps better stated, who you naturally are.
What about your vocabulary? How do you respond to anything? Do you just quickly say things when you are very angry that might be foul or deeply insulting? To others or yourself? Ready-made, lined up phrases and words? Have you ever regretted things you said? A sure indication that it was not genuine or really what YOU wanted to say. That was not in line with how you honestly wanted to express yourself.
Look at these Examples And Fixes
You see someone in public that you don’t like. What do you do? Glare, Roll your eyes, look away, look down, say something, yell something?
Now, think about how you would react if no one else was around. If no-one could hear you, see your facial expression or reaction at all. Be completely honest with yourself by closing your eyes and living it. You have no audience and no one to impress or anyone to encourage you in any way at all. What do you do?
I will bet it is different from how you would with an audience, people to impress or people that encourage any reaction. If you say, no, I’d still have a go at them, I think you are lying to yourself or you are needing some counseling.
Next – You have had a bad argument with someone, in private. Who you are here is who that person makes you be because you have an audience, even when it is ONLY the other person – Trust that!
Now, pretend that the person who you argued with, said a couple of things and left your immediate area, you aren’t able to follow nor immediately respond. What are you saying to yourself? What are you envisioning saying to that person?
Now, let’s pretend that person walked away and died. How would you respond now? How would you feel? What do you wish that you could say to them?
Now, let’s say that they didn’t die. You meet up with your best friend and tell them about the argument. You add remarks regarding this you never said? Do you add things that the other person never said? Do you tell them in a way to gain support for yourself and to validate your anger and responses? Even if you didn’t respond exactly as you tell it?
Now, imagine that there is no one tell, and there is no one to respond to because they left. What was your REAL part in this argument?
Examine your motives, have you thought about your role in it at all? Internally, figure out what the best outcome is in this situation. The best outcome can not include violence; physical, verbal or emotional. It can include discussion to amend, or walking away and parting ways. There doesn’t always need to be apologies or acceptance of any unless you were aggressive and mean. The important thing here is to handle it genuinely and you do that by not needing anyone else to help you, to encourage you, or to validate your feelings for you.
Do this with everything, any situation. It is important to not care what others think in these circumstances, what they believe, what they would do, because this is about YOU and you have to decide the kindest way, the most comfortable way to deal with issues that don’t (and won’t) leave you regretting phony words, practiced facial expressions you made or predictable actions you took.
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